Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is an anxiety disorder in which time people have recurring, unwanted thoughts, ideas or sensations (obsessions) that make them feel driven to do something repetitively (compulsions). The repetitive behaviors, such as hand washing, checking on things or cleaning, can significantly interfere with a person’s daily activities and social interactions.
This is a spoken word about how it is like to have OCD:
Thoughts of all different combination
And I try to focus on concentration
And that train has left the stations
Who I am or who I want to be
It’s not always about wanting things to be clean
Spick and span will never fully settle my routines
My obstacle is when I look in the mirror who is staring back at me
Every single word I say is run over in my head
Like the tires of a pickup truck over every letter they tread
And why can I find the needle in the haystack but I can’tuntangle my thread
Gray belongs to black and white but what comes between green and red?
Stop or go? Wrong or right?
The latter choices are my daily plights
If I do this does it mean that I’m that?
Up from the dark sewers come a thousand rats.
Scattering and scampering unnumbered but by the ocean
Depression is an a la mode, obsession’s favourite cousin
Morality is my least favourite subject; because I have to chase it if it’s running
But I trip on the contradictions and I just end up tumbling
Even writing I cannot do; does it mean I’m getting bad again?
Should I just zip it up and keep it discreet so I won’t be that girl again?
There’s so many lines and boundaries and I try so hard not to cross them.
So many different “this means that’s” I have simply just lost count of them.
My personality is a swing set outside in a tornado
Back and forth, back and forth; oblivion is my ultimatum
My diagnosis may be incorrect; another thing I will have to veto
Can I just stop ruminating and put my mind to ease?