OCD Through My Eyes

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is an anxiety disorder in which time people have recurring, unwanted thoughts, ideas or sensations (obsessions) that make them feel driven to do something repetitively (compulsions). The repetitive behaviors, such as hand washing, checking on things or cleaning, can significantly interfere with a person’s daily activities and social interactions.

This is a spoken word about how it is like to have OCD:

Ruminations, ruminations

Thoughts of all different combination

And I try to focus on concentration

And that train has left the stations

Who I am or who I want to be

It’s not always about wanting things to be clean

Spick and span will never fully settle my routines

My obstacle is when I look in the mirror who is staring back at me

Every single word I say is run over in my head

Like the tires of a pickup truck over every letter they tread

And why can I find the needle in the haystack but I can’tuntangle my thread

Gray belongs to black and white but what comes between green and red?

Stop or go? Wrong or right?

The latter choices are my daily plights

If I do this does it mean that I’m that?

Up from the dark sewers come a thousand rats.

Scattering and scampering unnumbered but by the ocean

Depression is an a la mode, obsession’s favourite cousin

Morality is my least favourite subject; because I have to chase it if it’s running

But I trip on the contradictions and I just end up tumbling

Even writing I cannot do; does it mean I’m getting bad again?

Should I just zip it up and keep it discreet so I won’t be that girl again?

There’s so many lines and boundaries and I try so hard not to cross them.

So many different “this means that’s” I have simply just lost count of them.

My personality is a swing set outside in a tornado

Back and forth, back and forth; oblivion is my ultimatum

My diagnosis may be incorrect; another thing I will have to veto

Can I just stop ruminating and put my mind to ease?




One comment

  1. Is it crazy that I don’t know what to say in respect to this article. It’s well put-together. Looking back, it seems there’s a time when I might have had OCD, I recall times when I would double check, triple check basic thing and still my mind won’t be clear of the ever-lingering voices. What I do not know now is whether I grew out of it and somehow got healed or the fact that I could not affix a name to my demon caused it to leave out of boredom, lack of recognition/attention or whatever.

    Liked by 1 person

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