A letter to myself
The clock strikes three in the morning and I find myself still awake
Tossing and turning,
Thinking and thinking about the day that awaits.
My mind is against me
But my heart tells me to be strong
It tells me that I will eventually find my euphoric key-I just need to hold on
There are reasons why people live on and face the mundane
And sometimes bleak hours of this thing we call life.
There are reasons we enjoy the sunrise,
Every morning birds song,
And how some people push the thought of suicide away and put down the knife.
The laughter loved ones cause,
The warmth of a hug and a sweet late night kiss,
It is in these moments that the wounded souls find bliss.
I’ve written words of hatred towards myself for many years,
Words that I’d never call anyone else,
Words filled with anger and fears.
Dear me who has pushed through pain,
Attempted ending it all,
And has built an indestructible wall to protect what’s left of a broken person
You love so much and yet never give the same amount to yourself
You help others when they fall,
But you hurt yourself instead of asking for help
You see all your faults and tear yourself down
You continue the cycle until you start to drown
Why can’t you see what others see?
Why do you beat yourself up?
And say “What will be, will be”
It may all seem pointless and worthless
But you beat the odds before and have set yourself free.
Yes, you always get caught and caged,
That does not stop you from dreaming of that stage,
Where your hope is telling you, you will escape again
Where your family is cheering for you,
And so are your friends.
The spark inside of you has become weak,
And it’s motivation and courage that you seek.
There has been nights when you have cried,
And have buried your sorrows and have said you have tried.
But there is a tomorrow that you dread and worry about
Because you think it will become the same
There is no sunshine,
There is just rain.
Hoping for a love so dear and a future so bright,
Can I run away from my fears?
Don’t I have that right?
So here it is, a letter from me to me,
A letter I must not burn,
A letter than I need.
No matter the hell on earth
Or the uncertainty of the unknown
I must prevail.
We must prevail
A legacy must be left behind,
So I must,
(Written and performed by Melissa Paiz)